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During this month's "Love is Murder" conference in Chicago, I sat on a panel with several editors from different publishing houses. I was assigned this panel, presumably, because I spent several years as an editor, dealt with many authors and agents, and was able to offer some thoughts about editing, agents and how to get published. I wasn't surprised to hear that many people in the audience had much to learn about this process, yet I was surprised to hear some of my fellow panelists offering thoughts that were totally counterproductive when it comes to landing an agent. So in an effort to demystify a process that is often shrouded in darkness, here is a list of practical things you should--and should not--do when trying to get a literary agent:

--Always follow an agency's submission guidelines. This was a point contested by one of my LIM panelists. His reasoning? Bucking the guidelines will get you a quicker response. Of course that response for him, and for you, has been and will always be 'No'. If an agency's submission guidelines say not to email submissions, DO NOT email submissions. If they ask for double-spaced, 12-point font, send it in that format (even if you wrote it in single-spaced 10 point). Look at it like this: agencies receive literally thousands of submissions every year. By stating right off the bat you think you're above the rules, you're telling the agent you're going to be a pain in the butt. Not exactly the way you want to start a professional relationship, and an easy way to find yourself in the rejection pile, albeit quicker.

--Wait until the allotted time period ends before checking in. If the agency's guidelines say to wait 4-6 weeks for a response, feel free to send a (polite) follow up after that window expires. 

--DO NOT slag other authors in your query letter. Telling an agent how much more talented you are than Bestselling Author X is really just telling the agent how much of a bigger head you have than Next Submission in the Pile.

--It's fine, and even expected, for you to compare your work to other authors. Not in a derogatory sense (see previous item), but in a way that gives the agent a sense of who your audience is and how they might pitch it. Good: "I write layered mysteries in the vein of George Pelecanos." Bad: "I write layered mysteries in the vein of George Pelecanos, only better."

--You're the only one who cares what your mother thinks. I've read enough queries over the years to fairly ascertain that 100% of all mothers and fathers think their child's book is fantastic. Telling an agent this in your query letter does not speak to the quality of your manuscript.

--Write your query letter like good jacket copy. It shouldn't reveal too much, and it should leave the agent wanting to read more.

--Only include information in your query bio that pertains directly to the book itself. If you're writing a non-fiction proposal, include your credentials and make the case as to why you are the right person to write this particular book. If you're writing a novel, include any writing awards, advance quotes from notable authors, or story publications. What not to include: your resume.

--Unless the guidelines request it, never paste your manuscript/proposal in the body of an email. You know that friend who send you emails that seemingly go on forever and have you hitting the 'scroll down' key for hours? Well, multiply that by a thousand.

--You may be "the next great New York Times bestselling author," but that's dependent on factors well beyond you, me, your agent and often even your publisher to decide. Let your work speak for itself, and hope for the best.

--Don't sign up with the first agent who offers you representation just so you can say you have an agent, just like you wouldn't hire the very first employee to send you a resume. Take your time. Make sure this agent is the right one. Look the agent up on their website, or see their sales at publishersmarketplace.com. If your agent does not have any sales to a reputable publisher, let's just say the odds are not in your favor to be the first.

--If an agent offers you representation, you have every right to ask them for a list of recent sales. If they deny your request, think long and hard about why. Would you hire an employee who refused to offer any references?

--Don't waste your time by throwing your manuscript at the wall and hoping that it sticks. By sending out random queries to every agency in the book without researching what each agent represents, you're going to end up wasting a fistful of dough sending your cookbook proposal to agents who only represent literary fiction.

--Do not pay any fees to the agent upfront. Period. If the agent asks for money, they are not a real agent. Agents get paid on how much your work earns. You make money, then they make money.

--Research agents. There is far too much information out there for any author to be in the dark when searching for representation. Check out the aforementioned Publishers Marketplace. Other resources include Publishers Weekly, Literary Marketplace, and of course Google. If an agent offers to represent you, Google the crap out of him/her.

--Don't go chapter by chapter through Writers Market guides submitting to the 'A' section first, then 'B' then 'C' then so on. Compile a list, say your top 25 agents, and query them accordingly. Don't waste your time or money querying Apex Literary Agency (not a real agency) which hasn't sold a book since 1997.

--Blogging, Tweeting, Facebooking, Flickring and Friendraising is all well and good, but if it takes time away from your manuscript that is bad, bad, bad.

--Finishing a first draft is the easy part, it's how you revise that makes you a writer. Sending a first draft of your manuscript to an agent is like going on a first date without having showered in three days. Clean yourself up. Anybody can spit out 80,000 words, it's choosing the right 80,000 in the right order that will get you published.

--You might think submitting your manuscript on green paper written in red ink tied in a bow is pretty, but I can guarantee you the agent will not.

I've been getting a lot of emails recently from aspiring authors looking for guidance in the hopes of finding both an agent and a publisher for their book/proposal. Having worked in editorial prior to writing full time, I understand that the publishing industry can be a tough maze to navigate, with unforeseen pitfalls lurking around every corner. So here are some do's and don'ts when looking to sell your first book.

DO: your homework. I've written this before, but not all agents are created equal. Some have many contacts at many different houses and know exactly who to send your work to, and when. Some agents will simply throw a dart at the board and hope it hits the right spot. There are too many resources available in print and on the web for a smart author to make a good decision.

(tip: subscribe to Publishers Marketplace. There is a monthly fee, but you'll have a complete listing of every deal since 2001. Split the fee with a friend or your writing group, but it's definitely worth it. You'll find numerous agents who represent works in the field you write, and you can confirm which agents have made sales to reputable houses. Priceless information for aspiring authors)

DON'T: query editors directly. Most major houses have a strict 'no submissions' policy when it comes to unsolicited material. The average editor will receive 500+ agented submissions every year. They barely have enough time to evaluate those, plus give proper attention to the authors they have under contract. Most editors at major houses don't read unsolicited queries, and if you harbor dreams of your manuscript being pulled from the slush pile, the odds of that happening are enormously against you. Better you hone your craft and land a good agent who will get your work read by the right people.

DO: write what you want, not what you think will sell. Editors tend to have finely-tuned B.S. detectors. If you're writing a book about your pet dog (because dogs are hot) or a novel about the hunt for a religious artifact (duh), people will know if you're just trying to hitch a ride on the gravy train. You'd be much better off starting your own trend that becoming the umpteenth iteration of another. Think of it this way: the average book will be published about 15-18 months after acquisition. So that trend that's hot right now...are you sure you want to put all your eggs in one basket in the hopes it'll still be hot in 2010?

DON'T: tell an agent/editor how much your wife/sister/boss/uncle loved your book. They're your family. Of course they did. You have to think of a query letter like a job application. An employer generally doesn't ask for family references; they want professional references. If you've taken a writing class, maybe a few words from your professor. If a respected author has agreed to read the book, maybe a good blurb to accompany it. An agent isn't going to be impressed because "everyone in my family loved my book." They'll be impressed if an impartial outsider with some credibility did.

DO: expect correspondence with your agent. This does not mean your agent should be available 24/7/365, but that you're entitled to status updates on the submission of your manuscript. Be patient; the submission process can take weeks, months, and sometimes even years. It's completely normal to be nervous while your book is on submission, but allow your agent space to work. That said, if your agent doesn't return phone calls or emails, and won't give you any status updates or a list of editors/houses queried, be skeptical. 

DON'T: blame external forces. Most books do not sell. Most authors, even the hugely successful ones, have at least one manuscript in a drawer somewhere that was turned down by everyone with a pulse. I know I do. If your book doesn't sell, it won't help your cause to rant and rave against the unfairness of the industry, or vent on your blog about how brainless editors and agents are. The only thing that will help? Honing your craft. Assuming your end goal is to be published (not to become a critic of the establishment), focus your anger inwards. Venting might be satisfying, but it's a short term fix. Prove it to yourself first, and others will follow. 

DO: understand word counts. The average book page contains approximately 300-320 words. This means a 100,000 word book will clock in at about 320 pages, not counting front/back matter. So if you've written a 65,000 word thriller, keep in mind that will only amount to around 200 pages. If you're a book buyer, will you be more or less willing to shell out your hard-earned cash for a book that slim by an author you've never heard of? At the same time, a 300,000 word chick lit story will scare away even the most ravenous "Sex and the City" fan. Most novels fall in the 80,000-100,000 word range. Of course there are exceptions, but deviating too much on either side can be dangerous. A terrific 70,000 word book is always better than a mediocre 120,000 word book, but readers of certain genres have certain expectations.

DON'T: pick your book before it is ripe. Your book is competing against so many others for preciously few publication slots. Do you really want to send your book out into the world with its pants around its ankles? Keep revising your book until you wouldn't change a single word. Completing a first draft is a terrific accomplishment, but you don't get to the majors by taking batting practice once. Keep revising. Keep seeking (unbiased) opinions. Agents want to submit the most polished work possible. Don't give an agent or editor reason to turn your book down. Comb your book's hair, tuck in its shirt, and for heaven's sakes, make it use some deodorant.